Resource Roundup- “Good Inside”
As both a therapist and a parent, this resource is a constant reference and recommendation I use. Many of my clients are parents and I find Dr. Becky Kennedy’s “Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be” an emotionally attuned and empathetic approach to parenting. A clinical psychologist and parenting expert, Dr. Becky’s philosophy centers on the idea that every child is "good inside," and that parents are too, even when they fall short or struggle in their parenting. Her book is both a practical guide and an emotional support system.
Dr. Becky offers tools for parents to improve their relationships with their children, while also nurturing their own well-being. Let’s review some key themes of her book to see if it would be a beneficial resource for you!
1. The Power of Self-Compassion: Dr. Becky’s approach begins with a powerful premise, that the foundation for being a good parent starts with being kind to yourself. She emphasizes that parents are not perfect, and that mistakes are part of the journey. In her view, the "good inside" philosophy doesn’t just apply to children; it also applies to parents. Parents so often carry guilt or shame for moments of frustration or overwhelm. You might hear it commonly referred to as “mom guilt” or parental guilt. However, by learning to offer themselves grace and self-compassion, parents can break free from feelings of inadequacy. Let go of imposter syndrome (IS) and show up as better versions of oneself for the kids can be a challenge as a parent. The principle of what Dr. Becky calls internal goodness is what drives all her work and “allows [her] to be curious about the ‘why’ of [children’s] bad behaviors.” This helps counter the guilt, doubt and IS.
2. Understanding Children’s Behavior: Dr. Becky teaches that a child's behavior is often a reflection of their emotional state, not a reflection of their character. When kids act out, it’s typically because they’re experiencing stress, fear, or frustration, not because they are "bad." This perspective shift is liberating for parents who may otherwise feel like they're failing when their child misbehaves. By focusing on the underlying emotions rather than the behavior itself, parents can respond in ways that foster connection and understanding, rather than resorting to punitive measures. “Many parents see behavior as the measure of who our kids are, rather than using behavior as a clue to what our kids might need,” this quote says it all. Reframing our bias on behavior can be a beginning step.
3. Emphasis on Connection: Throughout the book, Dr. Becky underscores the importance of connection over control. She challenges the traditional notion that discipline is about asserting authority and punishment, instead suggesting that discipline should be about teaching children how to regulate their emotions and navigate social dynamics. By maintaining an emotional connection, even in challenging moments, parents can guide their children more effectively, helping them feel heard and understood. We want to reduce shame and increase connection. Our goal as parents is to be “shame detectives” for our kids and help them feel safe and secure again. Dr Becky says, “detect first, reduce second” and this will enhance your child’s connection with you.
4. Practical Tools and Strategies: In addition to the psychological framework, Good Inside offers practical tips and tools that parents can implement in their everyday lives. Dr. Becky addresses common parenting dilemmas, such as managing tantrums, setting boundaries, and handling sibling rivalry, while always framing her advice within the "good inside" philosophy. One of the book’s strengths is its ability to translate complex psychological principles into easy-to-understand and actionable strategies, making it accessible to a wide audience without the psychobabble.
5. Parental Empathy: Dr. Becky also invites readers to rethink the idea of parental authority. Rather than demanding obedience or compliance, she encourages parents to foster mutual respect and collaboration with their children. This doesn’t mean avoiding discipline, but rather shifting the focus from control to teaching and modeling positive behavior. This approach is grounded in empathy, which is a key pillar of the book.
If these key themes resonate with you or while reading this you thought, “I could use more of that at home,” then I highly recommend this resource to spruce up your skills to become the parent you want to be!
Helpful Reminder: The beauty in resources is that you can take bits and pieces of expert philosophies and make them into actionable concepts that meet your lifestyle, so don’t stress about mastering every part, but adapting to what helps you and yours.
Get Inspired,
Lauren
